


never thought once about thinkin' it over

by notthebigspoon



Series: 37 Stitches [4]
Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-02
Updated: 2013-03-02
Packaged: 2017-12-04 02:57:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/705742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notthebigspoon/pseuds/notthebigspoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I’m not stupid babe. I wasn’t your first choice or your second or hell, even in the top fifty. If you <i>hadn’t</i> been trashed, we’d never have hooked up.”</p><p>Title taken from Sick and Tired by Cross Canadian Ragweed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	never thought once about thinkin' it over

“You’re going to be okay?”

“Clay, babe, I’m a big boy.”

“I really hate it when you say that and ‘big boys’ still get their hearts broken.” Clayton mutters, arms crossed over his chest. Sometimes Tim wonders which one of them is actually older. “Or do you forget that you were shitfaced because of him the night we got together? I’m not stupid babe. I wasn’t your first choice or your second or hell, even in the top fifty. If you _hadn’t_ been trashed, we’d never have hooked up.”

“You’re saying that like I don’t even give a shit about you.” Tim snaps, glaring at him with a scowl. “I love you, okay? It’s not fucking about him anymore. You’re the one who keeps bringing him up. He doesn’t fucking exist anymore. He’s nothing. I’m fucking done with him, or I could be, if you’d stop fucking _talking_ about him all the time.”

Tim can’t decide if he really wants to be angry or not. He doesn’t doubt at all that Clayton loves him. The younger man has made it more than obvious through words and gestures, though Tim thinks the orange and black roses carried it a little too far. He’ll be fair, he knows that they both harbor a little bit of an obsession when it comes to his love life before they hooked up.

Maybe he’s not being fair though. Maybe Clayton feels like he’s competing with a ghost, even when Tim keeps telling him that he’s not. It’s just them, the two of them and nothing more. Tim keeps telling himself that.

Clayton sighs and tells him he’s got to get to the park, he’s going to be late. He presses a quick kiss to Tim’s hair and promises he’s making lasagna for dinner before slipping out the door. Tim bites his lips, shoulders sagging down as he drains his coffee. He’s never thought he was that bad of a boyfriend. Maybe this has been the problem all along. Maybe he just drives people away.

So many maybes. When he gets to the park, he can’t find a single person that he would usually talk to. Pablo’s busy with the WBC, as are Vogey and Affeldt. Stew isn’t answering his phone. Lopez and Kontos are embroiled in what’s become a five day lovers quarrel that Tim found funny until he needed somebody to talk to. Zito has been glued to Buster Bash since his wife stole his phone and beat his high scores.

It results in him glomming on to the first available warm body. Cain stares at him for all of five seconds before smiling and patting him on the head. He’s not the person that Tim wants but Tim will take what he can get. And honestly, he’s warm and smells fantastic and he’s totally Tim’s new cuddle buddy. The fact that Cain doesn’t question it at all when Tim tells him this, just laughs and nods and wraps an arm around Tim’s shoulders, makes Tim love him even more.

“Don’t worry. WBC will be over soon enough and Affeldt can resume as team dad.”

“I thought Vogey was the team dad.”

“He’s the weird one that yells a lot.” Cain snorts. “Only we’re being stupid though. And you can be stupid a lot of the time. Speaking of, what’s wrong?”

“The boyfriend I have now keeps getting aggravated because he thinks he’s having to compete with the last one.”

“Is he?”

Tim huffs. “No. But I can see why he would think so. The thing is, I don’t know which of us is more obsessed.”

“Admit it, Tim. Every time anyone so much as mentions McCarthy, you just... you stop. You get this look and you wilt like week old flowers.” Cain sighs, squeezing his shoulders. “So maybe your new guy has a point. Maybe you owe him an apology. I know you got hurt big time, and believe me when I say I’d like to bean McCarthy with a pitch. But the fucker isn’t worth the misery business you invested in him.”

“I know he’s not. I _know_.” Tim answers, rubbing his face. “I don’t even miss him. But I haven’t seen him and tomorrow I will and the closer it’s gotten, the more nervous I get. I never want to see him again but I have to. Well, I sort of saw him the night we TP’d his house... that doesn’t count though.”

“... you TP’d his house?”

“It’s a long story and a good memory.” Tim says softly. “It’s.. you know how it feels, don’t you? To be afraid a person’s going to look down on you, dismiss you, even though what they think doesn’t mean shit?”

Cain smiles, hugs him again. “That’s a you thing, Timmy. Always thinking you’re not good enough when you’re pretty damn fantastic. You, McCarthy... you were never meant for each other. He’s not the kind of guy you can be with. Too sarcastic, doesn’t know what to say or how to say it or when to say it, not the way you need to hear it.”

“I wanted it to work, though... I don’t even know why but I did. And when it didn’t, I felt like such a failure. Like a quitter.”

“Maybe you were a quitter, but quitting that relationship was the smartest damn thing that you’ve ever done.” Cain says it quiet and firm, forcing Tim to look at him. “You need to start remembering that Timmy. _You_ left _him_. You made that choice. You’re not a failure because you couldn’t make it work. Might be biased, but I’m inclined to blame him. And be honest, you’d never have been able to share him with his wife. Did she ever find out?”

“After I dumped him. She... the voicemails were pretty creative. I think she was drunk most of the times she called.”

“Heh. Funny. Wine addled- no, that’s mean. Hey... you didn’t start drinking wine, did you?”

Tim shifts uncomfortably, blushes when Cain bursts into laughter and hugs him. The conversation grows lighter after that, Cain drilling him for information on the new boyfriend but not quite forcing Tim to fess up. That’ll come later, Tim has no doubt about it. Gossip spreads quick through their clubhouse, especially that of a romantic nature. His crash and burn had been pretty epic, they’ll be interested in the recovery.

He wonders how they’ll react to Clayton. Vogey’s hatred of ‘the blue team’ runs deep and he’ll probably go into the scary dad mode, snarling and smashing things. Pablo will make endless Southern boy jokes. Cain will punch him for not fessing up sooner. Affeldt will corner him and sit him down, have one of those long serious talks to make sure that Tim is sure this is what he wants. Tim grabs his phone.

**_Timmy:_** i’m sorry about this morning. i worry about him too much when he doesn’t mean shit anymore.

**_Clayton <3:_** It’s okay. I’m getting used to your instability. 

**_Timmy:_** i mean it. i’m really sorry.

**_Clayton <3:_** I mean it too. Everything’s okay. All that matters is that you’re okay. Happy.

**_Clayton <3:_** I love you.

**_Timmy:_** <3 you too. see you at home.


End file.
